Family

I forget how much I enjoy being around my family until I get that chance. For just a few short days, all of my family is in the same city--including my nephews who are usually in Portland, OR. It's nice to be around them--everyone laughs and jokes and just has a good time. This will be a tiring week because I am going to be over there all I can.

Gracefully aged

My dad has Alzheimer's Disease. He's been diagnosed for, oh I don't know, close to five years. He and my mom moved to Florida shortly after retirement and spent many glorious years in Florida. They were involved at their church, they had domino playing buddies, and they loved the little neighborhood where they lived.

My dad's health, aside from the Alzheimer's is not good. He has had several bypass surgeries; he has Crohn's Disease, diabetes, and restless leg syndrome. In all, he's a mess. My siblings and I talked my parents into moving back to St. Louis so that the three of us who live here can help take care of them. I know it was really hard for my mom. In Florida, she had lots of friends and many things to occupy her time.

Here, it's been hard for her to reconnect with friends. Taking care of my dad has been a full-time job, and I suspect, although she would not completely admit it, she is battling some depression.

I find it hard to go over their and spend time with them because every chance my mom gets (literally sometimes, when my dad goes in the other room,) she talks about how bad my dad is. The truth is, I don't want to know. I know he asks questions a million times. I know he can get agitated. I'm sure that having to live with that 24/7 is grueling, but he's my dad.

My mom needs to get involved in an Alzheimer's support group, but she won't. I don't know why, but she won't. So I'm torn. I know I should spend time with them, but I don't want to. It's easy to make excuses why--we live so far away, we have other obligations...but still.

Friday was my dad's 80th birthday. If you talked to him and didn't know him before Alzheimer's you would think he looks and acts pretty darn good for 80. But you can see the confusion in his eyes sometimes. My dad was sharp as a tack. He had (and still has most of the time,) a smart sense of humor, and he could add up numbers in his head like crazy.

Today, we've having a party for him. We sent out invitations for an open house and greeting card party. He's received over 40 cards from people through out all stages of his life--his family, men and women he worked with, church folks from Florida who miss him so. And there will be many friends from St. Louis who will make an appearance at the party today.

I was touched by the number of people he worked with who sent well-wishes. All of them talked about his sense of humor, but also about his integrity, his fairness, his mentoring skills. I didn't know much about what my dad did when we was working. I really didn't even know many of the people he worked with. I'm glad I got to find those things out about my dad.

Countdown

Twenty-two days until my students go home for the summer. (The teachers have to stay one extra day.) I am truly amazed that when my mother-in-law retired from 38 years of teaching, she had her nose pressed against the glass of the school building when the next school year started, wishing she was in there with all the kids. While I know she had tough years, she really enjoyed what she did. So much so, that she really didn't stay retired. She took permanent substitute positions so she could go back and teach!

I have been teaching for 18 1/2 years. It seems like forever. I like the kids; I do, but I would have a whole lot more fun if I could just go and hang out with them--read a few books, talk about them, argue about some current events, then call it a day. I like to hear their perspective on things (usually either naive or conspiratorial, sometimes in the same breath). Some of them have an incredible sense of humor. But most of them at my school are down right lazy. Getting them to write a paper is like pulling teeth.

To come full circle, I have only 22 more school days to go. Then...off on our trip! I'm so excited!

Yes!

I talked to my friend for a short time today. She's decided to work it out with her husband. They are not going to get a divorce. I know it's going to be hard, and it's going to take a lot of time, but it's the right thing for everyone involved. I don't know the details, but isn't it awesome!

God answers prayers. Thank you, Lord!

Charity

Many times I sit on my couch with the television on, working on something for school or goofing around on the computer. Tonight I'm watching American Idol--used to be a big fan, now I can miss it without freaking out. They're doing a benefit for charity. Lots of corporate sponsors have pledged literally millions of dollars depending on how often the public votes. It's sad that it takes a show like American Idol to get people motivated to help others. Maybe it's the corporations that should feel shameful since they will gain nothing but a little exposure by giving all this money. This particular fundraiser doesn't cost the general public anything more than a phone call.

If more people were willing to give a little, we wouldn't have so many ridiculous government programs that support people who have become unnecessarily dependent on a handout instead of a hand-up.

If this country , as individuals, were taking care of the poor, the widows, and the orphans as we've been instructed, things would be a whole lot different.

I'm shaking my head

Last night was a rough night. To make a long story (4 hours and I guess 15 years in the making) short, a very good friend of mine told me last night that she and her husband were considering a divorce. What really blew my mind, though, is that she's having an affair. My heart aches. This is one of those things that I wasn't sure I would write about, but it's heavy on my heart.

I know that she's been unhappy for a long time, many years. And while I know she didn't go looking for it, she let it happen. There's a lot of rationalizing going on--how it came to this, why it's "okay." The problem is, I know it's not. I know that God's will does not include leaving your husband for another man. I think the hardest thing is that I've always known her to be black and white. There really has never been any gray. The Bible says what it says, and that's that. Her judgement is so clouded because she's been hurt badly and has developed thick callouses on her heart because her husband has been distant and cold, and downright mean for so long.

So, here I am, trying to support my friend, but knowing she's headed down the wrong path. I've tried hard to listen, to offer Biblical advice, but it's not been an easy 24 hours. Pray for this couple and their 4 children. Pray that I offer Godly counsel.

Parents

My mom and dad retired to Naples, FL some 10-15 years ago, only to move back to St. Louis a couple of years ago because my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. They moved back because they thought it was best--so that the family could take care of them. My older sister and younger brother also live in the St. Louis area. My older brother lives in North Carolina to be closer to his wife's mother.

I'm glad they moved back to town; I really am. However, it's been hard to live up to their expectations when it comes to visiting them. While all of us live in the St. Louis area, my husband and I are 45 minutes away from them. It's hard to get to their house as often as we would like.

Today we all went over there to spruce up the landscaping of their duplex. Next weekend, my dad turns 80! We are throwing a party for him and expect there to be many guests.

The job was much smaller than we had anticipated, so we were finished rather quickly. Once we had finished, all the siblings and spouses went out to eat while my mom and dad stayed with my brother's children. I felt bad. I went out there with the intention of spending some quality time with my parents, but that didn't really happen.

Weekends seem to go by so quickly. I can't wait until summer when my husband and I go on our big trip.

Surprising

I was so proud of many of my students today. Today is the infamous 4/20. This is a day that my sweet little darlings know (although they don't know why) is party day. Last year we had a lot of kids out to "party." This year, we had better attendance. I had students walk up to me and say, "I'm here, Mrs. Branson, and I'm not stoned."

While this seems like a ridiculous thing to get excited about, I must admit, I am. I can't decide if I'm just losing my grip on reality, or if I'm just willing to celebrate the little things. Am I sliding into relativity? I don't know.

Spring

By 4:00 this afternoon when I left my school building, spring seemed to have returned to the St. Louis area. The warmth of the sun overruled the cool breeze and made me want to skip the after-school meeting to which I was headed. (I went.) But driving home from the meeting around 5:30, it had warmed up even a little more. I was in no hurry to get home; my husband was staying late at school for an awards ceremony of his own. I stopped at our local state park, and took a short walk. The foliage was recovering from the last cold snap with little green buds reaching for the sky.

As a teacher, spring is a time to reflect on the past school year, and anticipate the coming summer. This summer my husband and I are going on a MAJOR road trip. I'm so looking forward to it. We are headed west--anything west of Missouri. We're going to see the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Jackson Hole Wyoming, Yosemite, the Tetons, Seattle, all the way down the West Coast. Back across through several National Parks in Utah, the Grand Canyon, back across the Rockies, and home again. Because we can, we're taking about a month to enjoy God's creation.

I think sometimes in our little worlds, it's easy to forget the grandeur of God. There are miracles and amazing, unbelievable wonders in the small things, no doubt. But to see the wide open spaces, the enormity of the mountains and the ocean, crashing waves, a giant redwood tree, the Grand Canyon--I can't wait to be in awe.

Spring is the time for renewal in nature, but for a teacher, it is the end of a school year--bittersweet. I will miss some of the kids, some, I must admit, I'll be glad to send on their way. With others, I will just enjoy the respite of summer and be ready to see them again next fall. These last weeks with the seniors will be simultaneously fun and taxing. There are many exciting activities planned, but there is also the pressure of passing classes. I only pray, that these students, once they leave our little school, know they are loved, and know they have their entire lives ahead of them.

Human Behavior

Observing human behavior is so easy as a high school teacher. I still puzzle over some of the decisions my kids make. Today, just two days after the tragedy at Virginia Tech, one or my students, on a fieldtrip, got on a school bus, on the bus radio, and said, "We're under fire." Why? What would possess a young man to make such a senseless decision? How does a young person get to the point where he rarely considers the consequences of his actions?

I look at the student who did this and wonder if he could at some point do something like the shooter at V.T. What have we allowed our society to deem acceptable that has led to young people losing sight of what's right and wrong?

I propose that it goes back to absolutes. With no foundation to determine what's right and what's wrong, our students can decide for themselves. And when young, developing minds and consciences have no parents, no mentors, no positive adults who believe there is an absolute right and wrong, they probably aren't going to learn it themselves.

The question is...

What do we do?

Innocence

I didn't post last night because I had the privilege of attending The Sound of Music Sing-along with my sister, sister-in-law, and two nieces. I got home at 11:30, and I was bushed. How do you explain to a kindergartner and 2nd grader about Hitler and the Nazis--and they ask. They are bad men. That's about it.

Sunset by my house

While this was a few weeks ago, there are often sunsets like this in "far west St. Louis County."

Wow, I procrastinate

Well, it's 8:11 on Sunday evening, and I haven't started grading yet. I don't think I have much to do, so it shouldn't take too long. I've been engrossed in this whole blogging thing. I've looked at all kinds of different ones. There is a following for all kinds. I had forgotten how much I enjoy writing. I just never take the time to do it. I'm also ambivalent about writing about my life for the whole world to see. I know that's the point of a blog, but I have already heard about families getting into pretty big riffs about what's been posted on blogs.

The bathroom looks great--the walls are a pretty sky blue. I don't know if the vanity or the tile is next. I also have to pick the light fixture. I'm fortunate to have a husband who can do this kind of home improvement.

Sundays...

Sundays are supposed to be a time of rest, but it never seems to work out that way. Our church, which we love, is 35 minutes away. My parents would like us to come to their house every week (another 15 in the wrong direction). My husband and I are both procrastinators when it comes to school work, so we both always have a few odds and ends to finish up to start the school week. Some rest.

More tomorrow.

Saturdays...

I think there is nothing like a Saturday with no obligations. Currently, my very handy husband is on the main floor of our house remodeling the bathroom. Shortly, I will be summoned to help with the minor clean-up details and painting which is fun since I can then say that we remodeled the bathroom (when in fact, he remodeled the bathroom).

I'm upstairs in the "office/spare bedroom" listening to some lazy jazz mix that my husband put together for one of his history lessons, writing my second post for this new blog.

As a continuation of the thoughts on the previous post, probably the toughest thing for me to do as a Christian is to hold fast to God's Word and still live in God's world. When I say live, I mean to share the Gospel Truth with people in such a way that that "seems" relevant. I know the Gospel is relevant to everyone but if they don't perceive it to be relevant, well...

Something that one of my students said during our conversation was something like..."They think they [meaning the Christians in the movie Jesus Camp] are right, and everyone else is wrong." There it is in a nutshell, folks--the postmodern, no-absolute-truth, if-it-feels-good-do-it ideology. As they see it, to assert that there is a true, absolute right and wrong means someone has to be wrong. Apparently, that's not okay. Unfortunately, just like simple truths such as 2+2=4, there are some really complex truths out there too. They may be difficult to understand, some in fact, unknowable to mere mortals like me. But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with believing (and yes, there does have to be some, however small, grain of faith) that my God doesn't necessarily feel like I have to know all the mysteries of the universe right here and right now. And just because I don't know or understand it, doesn't make it any less true. If for some unseen reason I believe that 2+2=5, and I believe it with all my heart and soul, that doesn't make it true--for me or for anyone else.

This concept of an absolute truth, even if our Founding Fathers were not what we would call evangelical Christians (and for the record, I don't believe most were), is the foundation of the United States of America. Most believed that God was/is in control (maybe just of "setting the wheels in motion," maybe of every single ordered detail). And that as human beings, we would be expected to live by a set of rules that at their bare minimum would include: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Please tell me, what happened to that?

How today, if there is no absolute truth, can we justify any law or rule. All a person would have to say is, "Ya' know, it works for me; you deal with it." Whose says it's wrong to murder? Or to do any of the other, what I would consider perverse acts, that are beginning to creep into the acceptable category? If we (and I don't necessarily mean through laws) can't have a moral absolute truth to look to and say, "It's wrong because God says it's wrong," then how can we stop any action?

I'm a simple person. I don't claim to be a philosopher or one who has a comprehensive understanding of human nature. I can look around, though. I can look around at the moral decay of our society.

I'm 40 years old. I think I'm beginning to fit into that "life stage" that says crazy things like, "When I was a kid... "I know that most people get to a point and look back at the good old days with a sense that, many years ago, all was right with the world. I know this is cyclical and somewhat unrealistic. But I also know that we have become a self-centered, self-righteous, self-pitying, self-indulgent, self-gratifying nation. See a pattern here?

More tomorrow.

Welcome to my world...

I'm a Christian--unabashedly, whole-heartedly. The thing is--that proclamation alone is enough to make a lot of people stop reading this blog without going any further. I think I'll jump right in here. I was talking with two of my students (for the sake of keeping my job in public education, they brought it up) about the movie Jesus Camp. Two very intelligent young adults had been led to believe (by the movie) that all evangelical Christians were like the evangelical Christians in the movie. I haven't seen the movie (I intend to), but I've heard people talking about it. I went to the Jesus Camp website, and after viewing the clips, I can see why two, white, middle-class, West St. Louis County teenagers were using words like brainwashers and freaks (among a few another choice words that I will not repeat) to describe these people.

These two students have had me in class for two and four years. They know me. They know my character. They know how I operate. When I told them I was an evangelical Christian, there was stunned silence. Then the young man stated incredulously, "Reeaally?" That was followed by some brow furrowing and head shaking. I proceeded to explain that not all evangelical Christians were like the ones in the movie. We continued to have a genuine conversation about Christianity. They had a lot of good questions. I had a couple of answers--but we could never have had that conversation if they did not know me by my actions. Don't misunderstand me. I build relationships with people because I enjoy it--not as a tool of manipulation, but because I simply enjoy getting to know people. (By the way, I don't think it's coincidence that I was designed this way.) I think we were all designed to be in relationship with the people around us.

Okay, that's all for now. It's getting late. More tomorrow.