The Waiting Game

What a bummer. I am waiting (not so patiently) to hear from the principal of North High to see if I have a third interview. Waiting is the hardest part. I know I am qualified, and I would really like a shot at the job.

My quandary is the timing in the interview process. Having not heard about a third interview, I know this process is going to last into at least late into next week. We had planned to leave Friday or Saturday. If it goes into the second week in June, we'll have to postpone our vacation. If I actually get the job, July 1 is my first day--we won't be able to take a little longer at the end of the vacation. : (

I also have to pray that I am not anxious at the end of the vacation since it will be close to my starting date.

I may be worrying for nothing. If I don't get the job, I won't have to worry about any time line. I'll have my summer off and be back at Fern next fall--that'll be tough. I can only pray that I will be restored and renewed for the new school year.

Interview--New Twist

Today, Parkway North High posted a position for another assistant principal. This increases my chances of becoming an assistant principal! Yes! I really would like to get this position. I know I could be a positive influence in a large high school.

This World...

...has nothing for me,
and this world has everything.
All that I could want and nothing that I need.
"This World" --Caedmon's Call

My friend who had an affair is struggling like never before to do the right thing. She thinks that the man with whom she has had an affair would make her happy. She thinks that the whole world is "against" her because they want her to do the "right" thing, not what makes her "happy."

It's making me crazy. To watch someone who I would consider a mentor fall, no, jump into sin like that and not really want to repent and run is really hard. There are so many things wrong with what happened. I don't want to go into detail, I just wanted to vent. I do want some words of wisdom . I don't know what to tell her (or her husband who has called for advice).

Interview Pt. 3

This is the end of a long week. I had my second interview yesterday. I think it went well, but it's hard to know. I'm comfortable with my answers to their questions. I just don't know if I'm what they're looking for. Ah, well--we will see.

Today was graduation at the high school where I teach. It's different from most high school graduations in a good way. At my high school, today, 36 students graduated. It was a beautiful thing. I think probably in most small towns, graduation is a very formal event, even if the school is small. It's one of the few times all the pomp and circumstance happen.

In the heart of west St. Louis County, the pomp and circumstance (or maybe dog and pony show) happen everyday. The upper-middle class suburbs try to show their status with formalities every day. But not at my school.

We are an anomaly. The kids at my school are the ones, who, for one reason or another, just couldn't get it together at the big comprehensive high school. The pretend world of making a great impression and not being yourself didn't appeal to them. Instead, they come to our school to be themselves--warts and all. So our graduation ceremony is a bit different. There is a little pomp and circumstance, but mostly there are a lot of proud parents (and students) who weren't sure graduation day would ever come. There is a lot of celebrating. There is a lot of honoring the graduates.

I was honored to be chosen by the class of 2007 to speak at the graduation ceremony. I spoke about each graduate. All 36 of them. Because I know them. I know something about each one of them. It was a great celebration.

If I get a position as an assistant principal at a big comprehensive high school, it is days like today I will miss the most--a day to celebrate, personally, with each graduate. Class of 2007--you rock.

Second Interview

After the first interview, I really didn't think I would get a second one...

I was wrong. Tomorrow at 1:15, I have a second interview for the position of assistant principal at North High. All I can do is be myself and answer the questions honestly--not looking to give them the answers the panel wants to hear.

Nothing Yet

I have not heard anything about the interview I had on Friday. My principal gave me encouragement, but it's hard to wait. I really do feel like I did the best I could. Sometimes getting a new job has nothing to do with the interview, nothing to do with qualifications, and everything to do with the right fit. I know I don't want a position that isn't right for me or for the kids at the school. We'll see what happens.

There are just 18 short days before we start out on our journey. I hope a decision about the position is made before we leave on our trip. I really hope we don't have to postpone the trip because I have to be in town in June for more interviews. : (

Legacy

After thinking about my answer to the question what legacy would I like to leave, which of course was completely appropriate for a job interview, I want to expand on that a bit.

I think if it could only be two words, "she cared" works. It covers so many ideas. I care about a person's salvation. I care if she is hurting. I care if he is successful. I care about her feelings. I care about his dreams. I care.

It's hard, sometimes, to explain to a student (or even a teacher sometimes) that I care about his/her salvation. Many students have said, "I don't care if you're religious, just don't shove it down my throat." I wonder who or what has ever pressured these people? An overbearing preacher or parent? A hypocritical youth group member? A television commercial? Or his/her own conscience and convictions?

This is where, for me, the relationship is so important. Only because a kid knows I care about him/her can I say, "If you knew about something that could change your life here on earth and your life in eternity for the better, wouldn't you want to share it with the people you know and care about? I've never had anyone say "no" to that question. But without a relationship with the person, I don't even think I've earned the right to ask that question.

So that's the legacy I want to leave. I care.

Interview Pt. 2

I've cried three times in my career as a teacher. Once, when after a car accident that totalled my car, my boss wouldn't let me go home because she believed that the staff meeting after school was so important that I couldn't miss it. (It wasn't.) A second time just this year in frustration in my principal's office. And today, in an interview for the job of assistant principal. The principal interviewing me asked me what legacy I would like to leave. I don't know if it was the emotion of the day with the senior awards assembly or what, but that was a most uncharacteristic display of emotion for me. Weird.

The answer to the question what legacy do I want to leave, by the way, is I want people to know that I care. I hope my legacy is, "She cared."

Interview

I got home from dinner club (another blog, another time) and had a message on the answering machine for a screening interview at North High for an assistant principal position. I've been at this point before, and basically, if there is an internal candidate from North High, my chances are slim to none. If there are no candidates from North, then I have a shot at it. I believe that God's timing is perfect, so I'll go in, do my best, and wait for the outcome. I know God's Will will be done, so I know I can't sweat it. As I posted yesterday, I'm ready for the challenge. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to try my hand at being an assistant principal.

What's to Say?

I'm really ready to try my hand at being an administrator. I wonder if I've gotten too soft or possibly too hard. I really just feel like I need to see some success stories-- kids who really are going to do something with their lives. That's all for today. I'm really discouraged about education.

Relativity

This time of year is always hard for a teacher who teaches students who are at-risk. (What a ridiculously all-encompassing term.) Every year it feels like the kids are worse. I can never tell if it's because I've put up with the abuse for 8 months and just can't take it anymore, or if really, the kids just keep getting worse. I can't believe I've been teaching at-risk kids for 13 years. I think the "shelf-life" of an at-risk teacher should be no more than 10 years. I know I'm cynical because all I see are students who have very few shining moments. They constantly make poor choices, and basically, they treat most adults like dirt. Every year it feels like they get away with more. I don't know if it's true, I just know it sure feels like it.

Three weeks until finals, and I just wish it was over. I don't even feel like celebrating their accomplishments because they seem so hollow, so undeserved. The staff is doing everything they can to help the seniors graduate and they can't even give a little. There are some staff and to some degree, the principal who are in a round-about way, saying that the important thing is that the kids graduate, not that they learn, not that they fulfill obligations, not that they take responsibility for their own poor choices, but that they graduate from high school. I understand that a high school diploma has value, and that there are a lot of people who earned one without learning a thing--but even those kids learned how to either play, or beat the system. Our kids have done neither. It's frustrating to see that day after day. Even though the kids say things like, "I never would have graduated without Fern," I'm not sure what that means, or even if it's true for that matter. I just don't get it, and I'm frustrated.

Getting Ready

Okay, so a lot of my posts are going to center around the trip we are getting ready to take. I have started a NEW BLOG registered to both me and my husband. I'm going to try to post in both blogs, but this time of year for a high school teacher is busy. I started the new blog because there are some people (mostly some of my students) I don't want to view this blog.

Today, my husband and I spent some time outdoors, having a picnic and doing some light hiking. It reminds me that I need to be exercising so I can enjoy all the scenery out West. It also reminds me about just how incredible God's creation is. The Midwest has some lovely rolling hills and lush greenery this time of year. The weather is nice right now--not unbearably hot and humid yet.

I was 13 the last time I headed West, and even then, I did not go northwest. My family went straight out to San Francisco to see my older brother. I was young and stupid, and was more concerned about getting back to my friends than I was about observing and enjoying. I can't wait to see it all with my husband!

Travel website: roadtrippers23.blogspot.com

Freedom

Home is a wonderful thing. I like being with family, I really do. However, it's good to be home. For almost two weeks I've had an obligation to someone, somewhere. Getting home at 9:00, not being able to "veg" has been taking its toll. This weekend I have been able to do whatever I want. My husband has been working on the ceramic tile floor he's putting in our entry way and bathroom. I've helped him a little.

I'm excited about our trip. My husband is starting to get worried about all the things that need to be done before we go. I'm not worried; I'm just excited to go. I'm exited that the school year is almost over.

The Unexpected

Last evening around 7, my friend who is going through some really rough marital problems called and said, "Can I stay out at your place tonight?" Of course our door is always open for a friend. We were up into the wee hours of the morning talking about the whole affair (and I mean that literally). Last night she told me that the affair was indeed physical, which is not what she told me a few weeks ago when she dropped this bomb. She told her husband who flipped out. What a mess. My life does not usually include much drama--even vicariously, through my friend. This whole thing has been crazy. She talked for a long time. When we went to sleep last night, I absolutely had no idea what she was going to do.

One more time, she has decided to work on the marriage, and her husband is willing to take her back. I have to say, I didn't think he would take her back. He is a changed man when it comes to his attitude toward his wife, his marriage, and God. While I know there is nothing good about an affair, it took that to get his attention.

My friend always does the right thing. This time, I wasn't so sure it was going to happen. I fully believe that God will restore this marriage.

May 2

It's Thursday, and I've been out at my mom and dad's all week. There's really not much to do out there. I've been talking with my brother and his wife all I can since they will only be here for a few more days. My nephews were so cute. When they told my brother they wanted to come to Papa's 80th birthday party, we thought maybe they had been prompted by their other set of grandparents. After talking to them, it really sounded like it was their idea to come. I actually got choked up when one of them (now 17 years old, voice deep with young adulthood) said, "Hi, Papa!" while he gave him a big hug. It was precious.

Now that we're in the month of May, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My husband may get the week at the end of the school year back because of a bill introduced that does not make it mandatory to make up inclement weather days (snow days). He's ecstatic, and truthfully, so am I. If he gets out a week before me, he will have time to get the house in order and rest a bit. He will be doing most of the driving (in fact, possibly all the driving). I have never seen him get tired when he is behind the wheel of a car. I really don't mind driving, he just seems to end up behind the wheel.

I'm struggling at work. While I believe my boss wants to do what's best for our students, it requires me to allow kids to do whatever they want to do. Today, I had a student come into my 7th period class. She was in class 2 or 3 days last week. Today is the first day she has come this week. She walked in, took out a laptop, and started looking at music and other completely irrelevant websites. I asked her to get started. Three more times I had to redirect her on the computer. (If I had asked her to put the computer away at that point, she would have left earlier than she did.) Twenty minutes before class was over, she put the computer away, paced for 5 minutes, the walked out of class. And. There. Is. Nothing. I can do about it. : ( I'm frustrated to say the least.

Family

I forget how much I enjoy being around my family until I get that chance. For just a few short days, all of my family is in the same city--including my nephews who are usually in Portland, OR. It's nice to be around them--everyone laughs and jokes and just has a good time. This will be a tiring week because I am going to be over there all I can.

Gracefully aged

My dad has Alzheimer's Disease. He's been diagnosed for, oh I don't know, close to five years. He and my mom moved to Florida shortly after retirement and spent many glorious years in Florida. They were involved at their church, they had domino playing buddies, and they loved the little neighborhood where they lived.

My dad's health, aside from the Alzheimer's is not good. He has had several bypass surgeries; he has Crohn's Disease, diabetes, and restless leg syndrome. In all, he's a mess. My siblings and I talked my parents into moving back to St. Louis so that the three of us who live here can help take care of them. I know it was really hard for my mom. In Florida, she had lots of friends and many things to occupy her time.

Here, it's been hard for her to reconnect with friends. Taking care of my dad has been a full-time job, and I suspect, although she would not completely admit it, she is battling some depression.

I find it hard to go over their and spend time with them because every chance my mom gets (literally sometimes, when my dad goes in the other room,) she talks about how bad my dad is. The truth is, I don't want to know. I know he asks questions a million times. I know he can get agitated. I'm sure that having to live with that 24/7 is grueling, but he's my dad.

My mom needs to get involved in an Alzheimer's support group, but she won't. I don't know why, but she won't. So I'm torn. I know I should spend time with them, but I don't want to. It's easy to make excuses why--we live so far away, we have other obligations...but still.

Friday was my dad's 80th birthday. If you talked to him and didn't know him before Alzheimer's you would think he looks and acts pretty darn good for 80. But you can see the confusion in his eyes sometimes. My dad was sharp as a tack. He had (and still has most of the time,) a smart sense of humor, and he could add up numbers in his head like crazy.

Today, we've having a party for him. We sent out invitations for an open house and greeting card party. He's received over 40 cards from people through out all stages of his life--his family, men and women he worked with, church folks from Florida who miss him so. And there will be many friends from St. Louis who will make an appearance at the party today.

I was touched by the number of people he worked with who sent well-wishes. All of them talked about his sense of humor, but also about his integrity, his fairness, his mentoring skills. I didn't know much about what my dad did when we was working. I really didn't even know many of the people he worked with. I'm glad I got to find those things out about my dad.

Countdown

Twenty-two days until my students go home for the summer. (The teachers have to stay one extra day.) I am truly amazed that when my mother-in-law retired from 38 years of teaching, she had her nose pressed against the glass of the school building when the next school year started, wishing she was in there with all the kids. While I know she had tough years, she really enjoyed what she did. So much so, that she really didn't stay retired. She took permanent substitute positions so she could go back and teach!

I have been teaching for 18 1/2 years. It seems like forever. I like the kids; I do, but I would have a whole lot more fun if I could just go and hang out with them--read a few books, talk about them, argue about some current events, then call it a day. I like to hear their perspective on things (usually either naive or conspiratorial, sometimes in the same breath). Some of them have an incredible sense of humor. But most of them at my school are down right lazy. Getting them to write a paper is like pulling teeth.

To come full circle, I have only 22 more school days to go. Then...off on our trip! I'm so excited!

Yes!

I talked to my friend for a short time today. She's decided to work it out with her husband. They are not going to get a divorce. I know it's going to be hard, and it's going to take a lot of time, but it's the right thing for everyone involved. I don't know the details, but isn't it awesome!

God answers prayers. Thank you, Lord!

Charity

Many times I sit on my couch with the television on, working on something for school or goofing around on the computer. Tonight I'm watching American Idol--used to be a big fan, now I can miss it without freaking out. They're doing a benefit for charity. Lots of corporate sponsors have pledged literally millions of dollars depending on how often the public votes. It's sad that it takes a show like American Idol to get people motivated to help others. Maybe it's the corporations that should feel shameful since they will gain nothing but a little exposure by giving all this money. This particular fundraiser doesn't cost the general public anything more than a phone call.

If more people were willing to give a little, we wouldn't have so many ridiculous government programs that support people who have become unnecessarily dependent on a handout instead of a hand-up.

If this country , as individuals, were taking care of the poor, the widows, and the orphans as we've been instructed, things would be a whole lot different.